then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
Randomize
