Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Randomize