we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
