I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
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