We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
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