is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
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