remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
Randomize
