the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
Randomize
