I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
Randomize
