Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
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