also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
Randomize
