Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
Randomize