no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
