meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
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