Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
Randomize
