Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
So I just went to clothing optional bar
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
Randomize
