I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
Randomize