how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
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