She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
Randomize
