she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
