Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
Randomize
