I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
We talked him into tasing himself.
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
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