Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
Porn is love you can see.
Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
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I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
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Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
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