soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
Randomize
