Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
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