I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
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