I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
I'm getting married
To pizza
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
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