Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
