so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
