Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
Getting drunk in a different country is not a good idea. Lets just say spanish women, 17 yr olds from missouri, prostitutes, and a poodle. I don´t want to leave spain.
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
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