I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
I said "one day" and that day is not today
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
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