i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
I just found puke in my bra..
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize
