he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
Randomize
