We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
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