Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
we're making bets on your personal life
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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