Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
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I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
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starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
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