I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
