He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
Randomize
