When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
I want you more than these girls want KFC
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
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