I can't watch pbs sober anymore
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
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