Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
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