I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize
