I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
Randomize
