Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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