Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
