Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
question - sack: should she or should she not play with it during foreplay?
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
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