What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
I want a musical about memes.
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Randomize
