I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
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