Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
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