Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
Ryan Ross and Jon Walker left panic at the disco today.
I predict a mass suicide of the 14 year old girl population...
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
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