I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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