I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
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