I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it's like heaven, but drunker
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
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