I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
Randomize
