i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
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