I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
Randomize
