i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
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