What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
