don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
Randomize
