she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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