Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
