just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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